Straight guy and gay

However, these men and their female partners worry that they’re not straight. By having sex with a man, they may be seeking resolution of the trauma (also known as trauma reenactment, not an actual sexual attraction, a trauma urge). But there’s one label that isn’t bringing community or helping people feel at home: “male sexual fluidity.” When it comes to this label, it appears we’re still caught up in some cultural prejudices and stigmatization.

In other words, I like to say, “We’re not only what we orgasm.”

But who decided that a straight guy can’t have a homoerotic fantasy and even sexual contact with other men? Essentially, heteroflexibility highlights the fluid nature of sexual behavior without the need to redefine one’s primary sexual orientation.

Research on sexual fluidity among straight men

While modern discussions of sexuality and LGBTQ identities often emphasize rigid labels, the idea that same-sex experiences can occur without altering a person’s primary sexual identity is not new.

Current research sheds light on the prevalence of sexual fluidity among men who identify as straight.

Should we suspect them of actually being straight or bi?

Sex for Money: Some men identifying as straight have sex with other men for money, calling themselves “cash-sexuals,” because it’s not the sex that turns them on, rather the money and the power they feel of having control over someone’s wallet. Yet, they don’t always encompass the full range of human sexual experiences.

Bisexuality involves consistent attraction to both sexes, while heteroflexibility doesn’t include ongoing or equal attraction to both genders. First, sexual or erotic identity cannot be determined from the outside. On the other hand, labels can become confining rather than enlightening. On the set, the two men had adjoining trailers, where they spent more time getting to know each other than in front of the camera.

Most often they grow up to be happily married to a woman, never having thought of themselves as gay or bi. This means actively listening without judgment and validating each person’s unique journey.

• Seeking Support: Seeking support and resources for exploring non-traditional experiences helps to remove stigma.

  Male sexual fluidity leads to an understanding that human sexuality often doesn’t fit into neat categories. In the case of bromosexual friendships, it appears that many in such relationships view each other as the ultimate wingman, particularly when cruising for potential dates in a bar setting (presumably in pre-COVID times)!

  McKie’s research reported that straight participants felt that a gay friend made for the ultimate wingman because the gay friend could help to attract prospective partners for the straight friend.

  Other research has shown that women prefer friendships with gay versus straight men, partly because the threat or looming question of sexual attraction is rendered moot.

  https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/historical-report-diversity-of-sexual-orientation.php

  
  Key findings. Again, too many labels are set in stone. Straight men, on the other hand, remember no such attraction or interest.

  

  The answer lies in the understanding of sexual identity as distinct from sexual behavior. Exploring fluidity

  A person’s sexual attractions, behaviors, or identity can change over time, and these shifts aren’t always tied to fixed labels like “gay,” “straight,” “bisexual,” or “pansexual.” This is known as sexual fluidity.

  I believe this is due to the lack of permission males still have in bonding beyond work and sports, and that we’re still not teaching men how to emotionally connect with other men. In his recent book, Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility Among White Men in Rural America, Silva argues that these men strongly identify with straight culture; to them, their secretive same-sex partnerships and their sexual identity are not paradoxical.

  As for male sexual fluidity, we need to have more awareness and discussion concerning the prejudice about this, especially among therapists.